I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
