Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
