we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
im on a boat
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