I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
