Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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