I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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