can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
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