Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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