I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
