I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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