Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
