I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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