We're like a lot better than the average bears
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
