We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My cat gives me a boner
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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