I bet he comes in French.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
