idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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