I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
