I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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