Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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