Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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