it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
