Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
