I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
please come you make the beer taste better
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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