he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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