So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
