shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
