i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize