This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
