it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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