where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
