He uses pillows to masturbate.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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