Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
