i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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