carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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