what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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