from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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