I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
