He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize