I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize