Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
pray to the hookup gods
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
