Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
