it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
