problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
