I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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