We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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