Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's like heaven, but drunker
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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