My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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