I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
