Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
