Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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