pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
