sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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