You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
