At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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