Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
