Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was born a porn star she said
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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