she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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