i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
