I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize