Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
