And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
