ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
