Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
