I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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