my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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