i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
