The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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