I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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