therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
