is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
