oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
