ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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