No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize