im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
