Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
