So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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