Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
