my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
