Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
