If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
