the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
