my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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