Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
