fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize