So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
