how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
be right there i have to get my cape
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize