I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
