If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You can't motorboat a personality
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
