so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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