He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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