Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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