you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
