Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i think my cat just said my name.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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