I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
