as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
