Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
