No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
