forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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