My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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