I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
