He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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