Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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