so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
pray to the hookup gods
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
