Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dicks are not precious.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
