Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
