If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize