My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need water and some morals
Randomize
