Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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