I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The police scanner is talking about you again....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
